Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
