I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
