I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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