I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
