sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
