wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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