he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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