i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
