he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we should paint friendship bongs
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