we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
