I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
