Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
