I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
