Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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