i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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