Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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