Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
