I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
