Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
