Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
