no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
