Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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