I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
