ugly people sure do ruin things
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
