I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
