If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
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just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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