Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Randomize
