Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
