I heard we made out
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sex in a hospital.. check
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
