Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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