If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
