if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize