Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
