this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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