Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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