There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
