$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are the jesus of drinking
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
