dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
