Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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