i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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