I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
