she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
