your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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