I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize