You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
