Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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