Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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