The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
