if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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