Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
