So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
