God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
