halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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