When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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