You just made me feel so damn special
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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