I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
