why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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