I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize