Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
