no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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