I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
