theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
