do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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