okay pat passed out under dana's car
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
