O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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