I am puke
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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