I hate your face
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
