apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
smell my finger.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
