I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
