I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
