I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
