I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
