Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
