how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
