it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
