The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.