im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house