remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.