Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.