lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
