return my video game
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
